A deleted file
A deleted file Caller: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?”.
Choose a punishment
“You can take your choice, private – one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay,” said the officer.
An opponent lost his head
An opponent lost his head While making a long, dull speech, a politician received a great deal of heckling from the gallery. Secondly, someone threw a cabbage onto the stage. “Ladies and gentlemen,” said the politician , “I see that one of my opponents has lost his head.”
A special football match
“Why did it make you late?” inquired the teacher.
Jokes About Death
OLD TELEpHONES never die, they just stop ringing
OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state — of maximum entropy
OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured
OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it
OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities
OLD TROMBONISTS never die – they just slide away…
OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new peterbilt
OLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on Nickelodeon
OLD TV SOAp STARS never die, they become pathetic
OLD GOAL UMpIRES never die, they just get flagged down — umpires as in Australian Rules Football
OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive
OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don‘t come back
OLD VIOLINISTS never die – they just become unstrung.
Pass out in shock
Someone dialed 911.
When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
New chemical warfare
“Sure. That‘s easy,” said one man.
“What is it?”
“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”
“What, what?” reasked the instructor.
Sooner or later
Judge: Have you ever stolen things?
Thief: Oh, now and then.
Judge: And where have you stolen these things?
Thief: Oh, here and there.
Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.
Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?
