one line jokes

“That‘s the most amazing thing I‘ve seen,” I said.”That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket

OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away

OLD FRIDGE REpAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool

OLD FROGS never die, they just croak

OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes

OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire

OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize

OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate

OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive

OLD GRApHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez

OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount

OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded

OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips

OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over

OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six

OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away

OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged

OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull

OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away

OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time

OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop

OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board

OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring

OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience

OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen

Bartender: “Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can`t make a face while doing it. SECOND, there`s a `gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there`s a woman up-stairs who`s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.

Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won`t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where`s that woman with the sore tooth?”

girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?”

The boy replied, “I don`t know.” At that time he hears his mom
calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he
sees his dad on the couch.

He goes up to his dad and ask him, “What is a penis?”

The dad whips his out and says to the boy, “This is a penis, as a
matter of fact this is the perfect penis.”

The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.
The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis
and says to her, “This is a penis, and if it was two inches

“My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower.”

With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, “baloney,baloney,baloney” then shouts “pastrami,pastrami,pastrami” and then back to “baloney,baloney,baloney”

Finally, the girls sister says “Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!”

purrverse: poem about a strange kitty.

purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.

purrpetual:Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

purrson: A male kitty.

OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact

OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on…

OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings

OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White

OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled

OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet

OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold

OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost

OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed

OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away

OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers

OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp

OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired