one line jokes

Her face is on the front of a food stamp.

That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

She waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

Burglars break into yo momma’s home and leave money.

When I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

The building society repossessed her cardboard box.

She watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk’s fingers

She can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.

When I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked yo momma what she was doing….’Moving’ she replied.

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

When I rang her doorbell, SHE said ‘Ding-Dong’

I asked her where the ‘facilities were’ and she replied – “Pick a corner…ANY corner…”

I visited yo momma’s house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed – “Who’s tearing down the drapes!!!!”

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said “Sure thing, it’s 4th tree on your right…”

Only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted…

When I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered – “Lost a shoe?”, and she said – “Nope…just found one…”

She hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

Closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley….with a box on it…

She had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

Even Beggars give you money.

She bounces food stamps.

She can’t even afford to pay attention.

She uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.

She uses chewing gum as a band aid.

She lives in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.

She uses white-out as a tooth filler.

She can’t afford a mop – she stands on her head in order to mop the floor…

Her idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the ‘yellow snow’…and yo loved it, didn’t ya!

——————————————————————————–

Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.

Yo momma’s like a “Happy Meal” small, cheap and greasy.

Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.

Yo momma’s so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma’s so short, she does back flips under the bed.

“Are you sure we can cross the river safely?” he asked.

“Of course,” answered the boatman. The boat left the bank.

“Has anyone ever been lost here before?” the anxious traveler asked again.

“I never back up for an idiot.” said one driver angrily.

“I couldn‘t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What‘s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That‘s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?‘

should I do to help her get it back? “

“My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say `baloney` it means push harder, and when I say `pastrami` it means push slower.”

With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, “baloney,baloney,baloney” then shouts “pastrami,pastrami,pastrami” and then back to “baloney,baloney,baloney”

patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”

Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”

patient: “OH NO! That‘s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???”

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play.They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion‘s team received.They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt.The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick.He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits.He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 – 0.

Late in the first half the lion‘s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point.The lion‘s team led at halftime 7 – 6.In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.

“Look you guys.We can win this game.We‘ve got the lead and they only have one real threat.We‘ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he‘s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.”

The second half began.Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino‘s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino.Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running.First, he stomped two gazelles.He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way.It looked like he was home free.Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead.There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened.Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

“Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.

“Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?”

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. “Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success,” she said.

“Well,” thought the man, “might as well carry on.”

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. “Screw me now or climb the ladder to success,” she uttered.

As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. “Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success,” she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?”

The boy replied, “I don`t know.” At that time he hears his mom
calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he
sees his dad on the couch.

He goes up to his dad and ask him, “What is a penis?”

The dad whips his out and says to the boy, “This is a penis, as a
matter of fact this is the perfect penis.”

The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.
The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis
and says to her, “This is a penis, and if it was two inches
smaller it would be the perfect penis!”