Loss of voice
should I do to help her get it back? “
Go to the hospital
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you‘re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You, sir, are the father of triplets.”
“Wow, that‘s really an incredible coincidence,” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.
“Don‘t tell me another coincidence?” asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said, “I don‘t believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”
After hearing this, everybody‘s attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
The nurse asked, “Sir, are you all right?”
And what if I swallow it
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave he has ever experienced.
After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”
Charming Ending
Author: ” What do you think of the opening chapters?”
Three very tough mice
The first says, “I‘m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!”
The second says, “Well I‘m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!”
Good
patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”
patient: “OH NO! That‘s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???”
He is a very smart dog
“That‘s the most amazing thing I‘ve seen,” I said.”That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.”
Perfect Penis
girl asked the boy, “What is a penis?”
The boy replied, “I don`t know.” At that time he hears his mom
calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he
sees his dad on the couch.
He goes up to his dad and ask him, “What is a penis?”
The dad whips his out and says to the boy, “This is a penis, as a
matter of fact this is the perfect penis.”
The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.
The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis
and says to her, “This is a penis, and if it was two inches
smaller it would be the perfect penis!”
Travel on the plane
She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.
San Francisco Jokes
Your co-worker tells you s/he have 8 body piercings but none are visible.
When someone says TENDERLOIN – you don‘t think of steak. You think of danger.
You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio.
Your child‘s 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named “Breeze.” And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can‘t decide between yoga, aroma therapy, conversational mandarin or a building your own web site class.
You haven‘t been to Fisherman‘s Wharf since the first month you moved to SF, and you couldn‘t figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it.
A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don‘t notice.
You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.
